I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
