So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
