your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
