there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
