who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
