Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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