we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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