She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
