Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
