Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
