So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
