Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
