I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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