Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
