hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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