I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
