Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
