this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
