I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
