Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Randomize
