I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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