I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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