i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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