The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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