somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
