We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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