you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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