Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
