sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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