im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Randomize
