oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
