Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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