dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
