My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
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I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
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the night was just a blur of sex and pie
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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