The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
