God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
