You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
