She is in my trunk
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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