Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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