sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
