they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
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I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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