goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
