i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
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doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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