you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
