I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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