you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
