I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
