I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
