You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
