I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Are we in a gay sports bar?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
