I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dignity is for republicans.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
