you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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