There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
do nipples grow back?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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