god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
