Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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