Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
