I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
