Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
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I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
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I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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