I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
