dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
