she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
