separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
