Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
