Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
