Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
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becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
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I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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